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Reading myself is so weird.. it feels as if it was some total stranger. I don't write like me, if that is plausible. Phuuu, I won't even try to enumerate all the things that happened since last time. Now I just felt like posting even if I have nothing to say or rather I'm not in the mood for gathering my thoughts and say something that makes sense. I've even been at two MUCC concerts since tha last time I wrote!^^ It was long ago...
Tomorrow we're moving out of the dorm, I've finished my exams last week. And 13th July off to Finland for one and a half month... working, though it won't be much money. Needless to say, I'm fucking frightened. And I also got the Erasmus so another half year in Finland from January (if all goes well...I should say instead, if all goes according to plan). Hate being constantly stressed. I cannot even be happy that this year's over and I can rest finally. Because I can't. There are so many things I don't want to think about but just can't do anyithing about it. All right, my time is up.
(Anyway, fate or luck is such a bastard, if I knew that when I... or I've just got good premonitions, not that it makes the whole thing any better.)

Yeah, keep on living! There's not much besides that that I can do now.


I don't know where I am, where I should be, what I should do, what I should like. I don't know if thinking does any good for me. I'm more lost than ever, though I understand now that things can't be the way I'd liked them to be. Does this make it any better I wonder...
I'll be back after some more thinking.
Tomorrow will hurt. How much I wonder. (and I hope just physically... but that doesn't have to be too much either... somehow I feel retarded..? :X?)

The new album's title is Karma. There are some interesting song titles... I'm gonna order it when I get back together with Falling down! (I had an urge to write 'if I get back' instead but fuck, I'm not gonna be that horrible^^)

luckluckluck for tomorrow (and always from now on, yeah)

my whole post should be in brackets, right?

edit: hehe, that parts sounds like I'm gonna get together with falling down... :))

edit: post with too many apostrophes

I've accepted. (At least for now. There can come a 'trigger' any minute that changes everything again.) Weird, that the superficial (in need of a more suitable word...)side of me always 'helps' a lot in these cases.

Or would it be better not being like that and still going on? I wonder. (Well, the icon certainly isn't that of utter surrender..XD)


It's over, I can hardly believe I won't have to be studying all day from now on. I'm already missing it^^(嘘よ)

And I got the maximum of points for both the written and the oral exam! There's no way I'm not admitted like this, right? Though I'm still afraid... (and I'm not saying anything about what that stupid bitch should do, no I'm not)

Tomorrow we're moving out of the dorm and then heading home (and going to have my eyes examined again, bleh, I hope it hasn't gotten much worse)and I'll be able to do whatever I want to! Hooray!

Hey, it really detects where I am! Hm, I'm not sure I want that^^


What's gonna happen when it ends? (Why am I asking such lame questions? Ah, this one tooXD)

There are things I don't want to talk about, they'd better be forgotten. Or not cared about, more like that. Just a little more to go but now it feels like I've lost all interest in how things'll turn out. Of course that's not true. If I don't get admission, it'll be hell. So can't let myself fall apart (yet). It all can still turn out well. (Hehh, mindless optimism, that's what I really need.)


Falling asleep while studying is not the best way of studying.

Yay! And I'm losing my mind, as usual.

May. 13th, 2010

I'm beginning to think the only reason fate exists is to screw everything up for me. Why must it be a test of how much I can endure. Nothing good lasts long, that's for sure. But I need more than moments (and even then fearing that it'll soon has to be over... because it has to, always)

Alright, fuck you. Ah sorry, that's what you've already been doing.
I want to have a good dream tonight! It's been so long since I had a reaally nice dream (so long I don't even remember what it was)^_^

I'm getting better... maybe... (but it still/always hangs upon threads. Alright. The best I can do is keep trying and not going mad meanwhile.

Edit: that's fucking 'funny': I've started the last few entries with what I want and don't want. Hm, I always just want, but do nothing.